Let there be light

Blogosphere, I need your help.  My husband is obsessed with turning off the lights – and I might murder him for it.  You’ll testify on my behalf, right?

My typical evening:  Come home from work.  Hubby has already fed and walked the dogs (love him).  Hubby has started dinner (love him).  Hubby has poured me a giant glass of wine (LOVE HIM!).  I go upstairs to get changed; on the way up, I turn on the light in the stairway.  I turn on the light in my bedroom.  I turn on the light in my washroom and go in there, well, to pee.  I come out of the washroom.  Both the bedroom and the stairway light are off.  It’s now daylight savings time so by 5pm it is dark.  I’m now standing in my room in the dark.  I let loose a string of silent (ie. only in my mind) curse words.  WHY WILL MY HUSBAND NOT LEAVE ON A LIGHT?!?!?!

Oh, to go back a few years to my pre-married self.  After getting engaged, I bought all the obligatory bridal magazines that I had avoided at all superstitious cost up until that time.  I read all the articles on marriage that I had previously turned past with a dignified sniff, pre-diamond ring.  I prepared myself for The Big Commitment

I had no doubt (and still don’t) that I can manage all the -quote- major challenges -unquote- of married life.  I don’t have a wandering eye.  I don’t hide my shopping from my husband.  I put our relationship before pretty much everything else. 

But…. no one really tells you that it’s the little things that will truly challenge you over the long haul.  The little things that, like chinese water torture, will add up.  Drip, by maddening drip.  Why does he follow me around and Turn. Off. Every. Light. I. Am. Using. ????

I have tried following the guidance of every ridiculous relationship advice columnist out there and tried to talk about it using only “I” statements to express my feelings.  I have tried the passive aggressive route (the other day, in retaliation for all the extinguished lights I walked around the house and turned a bunch of other lights on just for the hell of it).  Shamefully, I have tried yelling (don’t judge me).  Nothing works.  And nobody tells you that it’s the little things like this that will drive you to the edge of insanity, and beyond, in what is supposed to be the most romantic and intimate of relationships. 

Don’t get me wrong – of course I still love my husband.  He takes care of me in a million little ways every day.  My life would be empty without him!  And my electrical bill would be higher!  

But if he turns off one more light on me, I might kill him.  And no one would see me do it, because we’d be in the dark.  And this kind of constant psychological warfare would qualify me for an insanity defense, right? 

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One thought on “Let there be light

  1. Lol……the end is too funny, but I do know how the little things aggrevate even the greatest mind. Suggestion: buy several of those small flashlights and spread them around the house in easy to find spots.

    Like

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